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In the 2001 Ben Stiller comedy, Zoolander, the eponymous anti-hero has a modelling pose that he calls “Blue Steel”. It involves having pursed lips and sucked-in cheeks with eyes looking into the camera. At the end of the Cambridge men’s openweight Trial Eights held over the full Boat Race course on 13 December, Joe Holey, the “3” man in the losing boat Hansel (named after a Zoolander character) looks as if he may be attempting his own version of Derek Zoolander’s trademark pose.
23 December 2023
By Tim Koch
Tim Koch follows some model rowing.
An hour after the Cambridge openweight women raced their Trial boats named after Disney lions (as reported on yesterday), it was the turn of the Light Blue men to do their own version of a catwalk. The winning crew actually crossed the finish line one-and-a-half minutes under the men’s Boat Race record – but no one was too excited.
The Cambridge mens openweights were named Zoolander and Hansel after two characters from the film, Zoolander, a satire on the world of male modelling. Men’s President, Seb Benzecry, explained: “Zoolander and Hansel were two bitter rivals who eventually find common ground and unite to take on a greater enemy, so we felt they were perfect names for our crews.” Quoting the film’s tagline, he concluded: “Also, we’re all really, really ridiculously good looking.” As they say on Wikipedia, Citation needed.
As the water at the usual start was so rough, the crews were started nearly four minutes into the course near the Mile Post (arrowed). Hansel (nearest the camera on Middlesex) was started half-a-length up to compensate for the Middlesex Bend with the Zoolander crew’s inside advantage on Surrey. Zoolander initially settled at 35 strokes per minute (spm), Hansel was also at 35.Although parallax error gives Hansel the appearance of a greater lead than they had, they were ahead of Zoolander for the first 60 – 70 seconds, losing their lead around Tea Rose Buoy, downstream of Harrods. After the first minute, Zoolander (left) moved rapidly up on Hansel (right). After two minutes, Zoolander remained at 34 spm, Hansel went down to 32.5.Although this picture appears the opposite, by Harrods Zoolander was in the lead. Commentator Martin Cross speculated that Hansel’s half-a-length start may not have been enough and that Hansel’s Middlesex station may have been less sheltered than the Surrey station.After Harrods, Zoolander (blue tops) moved rapidly away from Hansel (white sleeves).A screenshot from the livestream showing the crews at River View Buoy, upstream of Harrods.By Hammersmith Bridge, Zoolander had clear water over Hansel and the two passed under the bridge almost line abreast. A parallax error free screenshot taken just after Hammersmith Bridge showing the gap between the two boats.Approaching Latymer Upper School’s boathouse on Upper Mall, Hammersmith. Watching from a launch was the indefatigable Donald Legget (left), a man who has assisted in the coaching of every Cambridge University Boat Race Squad since 1968.Approaching Chiswick Church, Zoolander increased its lead. Throughout most of the race, its crew looked longer and stronger with a relaxed rhythm.Zoolander approaches Barnes Bridge. It was coxed by Ed Bracey and stroked by Swede, Martin Amethier. The crew also contained two of the six returning Blues, Frenchman Noam Mouelle at “6” (2023) and not Italian Luca Ferraro at “7” (2022 and 2023). The Cambridge openweight crew lists are here.Shooting Barnes Bridge.Hansel in Zoolander’s wake. After Barnes however, Hansel cox, Savannah Adamo, moved to Middlesex and took a tighter line, reasoning that the stream against her was slack enough not to slow the boat. The strategy seemed to work but it was not enough to fully make up the deficit.Hansel battled gamely on as, to lose a Trial is one thing, to appear to give up is a more serious offence. The boat was coxed by Savannah Adamo and stroked by 2023 Blue, Matt Edge, who, 12 kg ago, was a lightweight. On board were three other Blues: Thomas Lynch at “6” (2023), President, Seb Benzecry at “5” (2021, 2023) and Brett Taylor at Bow (2023).Zoolander finished 2.5 lengths up in a time of about 14 min 49 secs. As the men’s Boat Race record is 16 mins 19 secs, this would have been an impossible time had they not started near the Mile Post.Beating – or being beaten by – your squadmates produces mixed feelings.Thomas Lynch feels the pain.Luke Beever adds to the Thames.Returning to Putney, a particularly high tide was evident.Back on dry (?) land.Cambridge held its first Trial Eights in 1862 and, until modern times, they were held at Ely. This picture shows the trialists for the 1897 Boat Race wearing their Trial Caps. Photography: The National Rowing Foundation.
A recording of the livestream is on YouTube.
The 78th Women’s Boat Race and the 169th Men’s Boat Race will take place on 30 March 2024 at 14.46 and 15.46.
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