23 October 2024

By Tim Koch

Tim Koch on a fine example of Peelian Principles in action.

In a HTBS post of last November titled, Boat Race Night: A Certain Licence, I wrote:

(In) modern times, Boat Race Night is not “a thing” for most people. However, in years past, the hours of darkness following what was then one race saw riotous celebrations both by students and others in the West End of London that were, to current sensibilities, often rather shocking.

The phenomenon of wild merrymaking in the West End of London on Boat Race Night was frequently referred to in the novels of PG Wodehouse…

The Wikipedia page for Wodehouse’s most famous (or perhaps, second most famous) character, Bertie Wooster says:

It was at Oxford that (Bertie) first began celebrating the night of the annual Boat Race between Oxford and Cambridge.

Bertie himself says:

Abstemious cove though I am as a general thing, there is one night in the year when, putting all other engagements aside, I am rather apt to let myself go a bit and renew my lost youth, as it were. The night to which I allude is the one following the annual aquatic contest between the universities of Oxford and Cambridge—or, putting it another way, Boat Race Night. Then, if ever, you will see Bertram under the influence….

Wikipedia again:

Specifically, Bertie and others tend to celebrate the (Boat Race) by stealing a policeman’s helmet, though they often get arrested as a result. London magistrates are aware of this tradition and tend to be lenient towards Bertie when he appears in court the morning after the Boat Race, generally only imposing a fine of five pounds…

While truth may frequently be stranger than fiction, it is often just as amusing. Last summer, on a visit to Richard and Diana Way’s bookshop in Friday Street, Henley, I discovered a good story that, figuratively at least, was from the non-fiction section. On a table in Way’s, I found a British policeman’s traditional helmet mounted on a plinth with the inscription:

HENLEY HELMET HEIST 07/01/73
PETER SMART “RELENTLESS, FLATFOOTED CONSTABLE”
JOHN BALLANGER “FEARLESS BRAVEHEARTED SUBDUER”
JOHN MASLOWSKI “GANGLY NORTHEASTERN UNIV. OARSMAN
WHO COULDN’T RUN FAST ENOUGH”
HENLEY-ON-THAMES

The Henley Standard of 15 July 2013 gave the story of John Maslowski’s afternoon of crime:

(Police Constable Peter Smart) was controlling traffic at the main Henley crossroads on July 1, 1973 when his helmet was plucked from his head.

Mr Smart… recalls: “…this great big, tall, lanky American crew boy had run off down Duke Street with my helmet.” 

He chased after the thief but it was 16-year-old John Ballanger… who caught him first by rugby tackling him to the ground…

Mr Smart retrieved his helmet and arrested Maslowski when the rest of his crew mates from Northeastern University in Boston suddenly appeared. He warned them not to get involved and marched the American to (Henley) police station…

A later Henley Standard report of 11 July 2016 takes up the story:

Mr Maslowski… then became nervous as he had been coached by Ernie Arlett, a former Henley man who flew out to teach in America. 

He said: “I suddenly realised this was serious. Here I was being arrested in a foreign country and in my coach’s home town, which he took a lot of pride in. It meant everything for us to be competing at Henley. 

“They sat me down in this room with a single bare lightbulb and I had no idea what was going to happen. The sergeant came in… and laughed and then I knew everything would be all right. 

“He came back with an old unwanted helmet in a brown paper bag and said, ‘anyone who wants one that badly deserves this. Just don’t you dare put it on until you’re out of the country’…” 

Asked if I (PC Smart) wanted to press charges, I said “no.” It just wasn’t worth the paperwork. If it had gone to Henley Magistrates’ Court, they’d have just laughed as most of the bench were involved in the regatta.”

PC Smart found out later that Maslowski had visited the station earlier that day and asked the same sergeant whether he could buy a helmet. He was told that the only way he could get a helmet was to “get one off a policeman’s head and run like hell”. This advice may have been intended as a joke, but Maslowski took him at his word.

Thirty-three years later, American rowing historian and HTBS contributor, Bill Miller, was viewing a 2005 documentary, Henley Regatta Through The Generations (Jane Belinda Smart Productions) and saw Peter Smart telling the story of his snatched headgear. 

Bill was also at Henley with Northeastern in 1973, part of an alumni crew. They won the now discontinued Henley event, the Prince Phillip Challenge Cup for coxed fours. He told John of the documentary and the pair then made contact with Peter and arranged a reunion at the River and Rowing Museum during the regatta of 2006. John Ballanger, the boy who had rugby tackled John in 1973, also attended.

At the reunion, members of the 1973 Northeastern eight presented former PC Smart with an old Metropolitan Police helmet, similar to his Thames Valley Police original, suitably mounted (the “Met” polices Greater London, the Thames Valley Police area is Berkshire, Oxfordshire and Buckinghamshire). The helmet was given to Peter to hold as custodian and it was to be handed back to any future Northeastern crew winning a Henley final.

A 2013 piece on the website of the Northeastern Huskies also told the story using some nice quotes:

John Maslowski: “I spotted my ‘victim’ 50 yards ahead. I walked up behind the officer and snatched his helmet and ran in the opposite direction. The officer blew his whistle and the chase was underway. I remember quite a commotion behind me … dogs barking, people yelling for me to stop, people jumping out of cars trying to bring me down. I knew I was in TROUBLE. I ended up getting tackled by a young man I later found out was a rugby player. I was handcuffed by the officer and marched back up the main street to the police station where I was put in a room by myself.”

Peter Smart: “I used to run cross country, 3 miles and 1 mile but no sprinting, but the thought of the paperwork and the forms to be typed out to explain my loss of helmet and the ribbing I would get from my colleagues really motivated me… There was always one who came as a born trophy hunter.”

Bill Miller: “We walked into the station and explained that one of our strong-bodied but weak-minded comrades was being detained. He asked us to sit down and that he’d be back in a couple of minutes. We were ready to block John’s ears for his boneheaded move. The sergeant returned with a brown paper bag. He pulled out an old (Buckinghamshire Constabulary helmet) and explained that if we promised not to take it out of the bag until we departed the UK, then John could have it — I will never forget that extremely kind gesture — EVER.”